Yes Doubt

I just got my copy of William Lobdell’s Losing My Religion from Amazon yesterday. In advance of reading it fully, I watched an excellent presentation at fora.tv, where Lobdell reads from his book at a California bookstore.

Lobdell underwent a dramatic evangelical conversion experience after hitting some bumps in his life. Dragged to a California megachurch, and then to a men’s retreat, Lobdell found himself a slightly embarrassed convert to the world of born-again Christianity. He had raised his hand during an alter call.

Amazed that mainstream media coverage neglected the world of faith (few knew of Rick Warren and Saddleback church then), Lobdell pitched himself as the guy to make it happen for the Los Angeles Times. He eventually became their full-time religion columnist. Meanwhile, Lobdell began finding the dynamic, slick world of seeker-sensitive evangelicalism too shallow, and headed for the historic depths of Catholicism.

But doubt began to arise. Lobdell encountered numerous sexual abuse scandals and gradually became distanced from his erstwhile faith. A crystallizing moment was when he attended meetings of survivors of clerical abuse, or as he describes them, the victims of “spiritual murder.” Many of the abusers, theologically representatives of Christ on earth, were protected within the ecclesial hierarchy.

There was also the sideshow of faith healers and televangelists. But it wasn’t the sideshow that bugged Lobdell. To his surprise, respectable Christian leaders meekly shared airtime with the manipulative faith healers of Trinity Broadcasting Network. The most vicious of these, the charlatan Benny Hinn, takes money from the terminally ill on the promise that faith will heal them.

Lobdell stopped going to church. Soon, he stopped believing.

A little known theologian I’ve written about and later met, Garrett Green, once called doubt “a necessary moment in the dialectic of faith.” That expression has stuck with me. Faith-filled uncertainty shouldn’t be denied.

Doubt is a chronic condition for many modern believers, though unbelievers may experience the inverse when inclined to desire faith. Doubt, as opposed to certainty, is a moment when walking away is a real lure. Doubt is a virtue “believers” such as Benny Hinn attempt to vanquish.

Doubt is also understandable. It’s encapsulated in the writings of French Protestant philosopher Paul Ricoeur, who wrote about the search for a “second naivete” and the desire to understand “beyond the desert of criticism.”

Of course, there is a type of certainty that can masquerade as doubt. It’s found in many contemporary spiritual writers, professing faith or not, that flaunt their doubt as virtue. This boastful doubt reeks of selfishness and a disingenuous claim to authenticity.

What I especially appreciate about Lodbell is his humble doubt. I look forward to reading Losing My Religion and writing a little more about it in future weeks.